Zarin Read online

  “Why are you frightened of me?”

  She sucked in a breath, forgetting Cai was able to read her thoughts. This was going to take some getting used to. “Because I don’t want to fail. And if I can’t figure out how to get Zarin back…”

  Cai reached out to her, and she let him take her thin, pale hand into his blue one. His hands were already larger than hers, and he was only ten. He was just a boy, but he already knew so much. “You’ll figure it out; the goddess’ vision wouldn’t lie.”

  Right, the vision his mother saw from the goddess. It showed Cai still alive, and Willow was a dragon. She was strong and powerful, everything she wasn’t now.

  “You are stronger than you think, Mom.”

  She squeezed his hand. “I appreciate that thought, but you don’t know me, not yet.”

  “But I know you’re strong. You’d have to be to be able to save me from the nymphs. They’re vicious, and they’ll slaughter anyone that gets in their way.”

  Great. That wasn’t reassuring at all.

  So first, Willow had to bring Zarin back from some magical realm that no one knew existed. Second, she had to take in a beast that would change her forever. And third, she had to save a boy’s life from being murdered just for being alive. That wouldn’t be too hard.

  Right. Not hard at all.

  Chapter 11

  Later…In some other realm

  Zarin’s dragon roared. It was a sound of both sorrow and fury. He tilted his head to the side as if he’d be able to see things differently. But nothing changed. The face staring back at him was still the same.

  The cloaked figure hissed and leaned toward him, revealing fire in his eyes. The closer it came, the larger its mouth became; its fangs dripped with saliva. Zarin shuddered, and his heart raced but he was frozen in place, and not by the ice this strange place held, but by his own loathing. It was the same guilt that made him run for so long. The same shame that held him back from using the gifts the goddess gave him, and mostly the fear of being forsaken and unworthy of anything remotely good in his life.

  All of these things stared him straight in the eyes under that gray hood. Everything he felt inside of himself had manifested and created the creature before him. Hollow eyes and a sunken in face. Wisps of blond hair hung from the emancipated face. The face he knew better than anyone else’s in the world. The skin was so thin and translucent that all he could see was bone. The figure’s fingers were shifted into permanent claws with their tips chipped as if he had to fight too hard.

  It was his face staring back at him. But it wasn’t the part of him everyone knew and loved. It was the dark side he kept hidden and buried inside. Now it was here, and it had total control. Zarin had no choice but to acknowledge the monster inside of him.

  For a second, his heart froze, too. There was nothing but silence that surrounded him. The dark side breathed heavily, and spittle covered his lips. He watched Zarin, and behind the flames he thought he saw unmasked pain. The only thing Zarin heard was the slow thump-thump of his own heart. He never took his eyes away from the figure as he realized this had to be some sort of twisted game.

  It had to be.

  He wasn’t dead. Not yet.

  He couldn’t be.

  There was still so much to do. Sweat dripped from his brow, sliding down his face only to be frozen along his cheekbone. Another drip of sweat made it the same distance on the other side. Panic seeped in. His eyes darted around, looking for something—anything–to give him a sign that everything would be okay, but there was nothing. This was his punishment for his sins. He would be stuck in this place forever.

  His shoulders slumped as the depression of being lost and alone tried to pull him deeper. For a minute, he wanted to cave. He wanted to just give in and let go. It was what he always thought would happen. He always knew this day would come when the goddess would finally deem his fate.

  Only, he thought she’d forgiven him.

  A spark of something drove into his mind, and he cried out as the pain laced the back of his skull. He gripped his head, hoping the pressure would soothe the growing ache. It was brief, but it made him think. Something wasn’t right. Something was trying to surface.

  “Come on, think. What was I doing before I woke up here?”

  The figure spun away from him, his cloak, grazing Zarin’s calves. The fabric was thin and warm, unlike the world around him.

  “Come,” it whispered.

  He would not think of this figure as himself, no matter how much it looked like him. It was magic. This was not where he belonged.

  As the figure floated away, it tugged and his body moved forward as if there were strings attached to him. He took a few steps and planted his feet in the gravel, but his feet sunk further down into the ground. Looking down, he realized it wasn’t snow. It was flakes of ash. They covered his shoes. He lifted his leg and shook off the ashes, flinging them to the side and then did the same with his other foot. He’d sunk a good half a foot down.

  That couldn’t be good.

  “Come,” it whispered again, this time tugging much harder.

  He had no choice but to follow. This was a part of him. Admitting that was like yanking out a tooth without Novocain, but there wasn’t any way around it. Zarin was smarter than that.

  ‘We must learn. That is why we are here.’

  This was the first time he’d heard his dragon’s voice. It was comforting. He wasn’t sure what he needed to learn, but if his dragon said they had a purpose, then he had a purpose. He took one step at a time and followed the cloak. It floated along the ash-covered ground, but moved in a slow gait as if it couldn’t move any faster that a slow hover. The air around him seemed warmer than it was before, but not by much.

  It was bleak. There was nothing to see in this land other than rocks and ash. Oh, and snow–lots of snow and ice covered the land. He sneezed and looked up, realizing ash fell from the light gray sky. It made him wonder why that bench was yellow. What did it signify? And why was there no color here?

  “Keep up,” the voice said, pulling him out of his musing. “You have much to see.”

  “See? What can I see when there is nothing?”

  The cloaked him didn’t respond. Instead, he kept moving at the irritatingly slow pace. The silence was the worst. Until it broke and he heard a faint sob. Zarin spun around, looking for the source but found nothing. His eyes darted from side to side when he heard another sob. It sounded quite despairing, but it came from nowhere.

  “It’s in my head,” he said, and that’s when he remembered. His memory clicked back in place as if it had been shaken out of whack. “The tribe.”

  The longer he stayed, the harder it was to remember what was important. He lived in the real world with real people in his life. The tribe was his life. There was Aris, Ilias, Blane, and Max. He couldn’t forget Sophie, his beautiful queen.

  He opened his eyes not realizing he’d closed them. He was alone. The cloaked figure was gone, and he stood alone in a vast land of nothing. But at least he remembered.

  That was the key. He had to remember what he had to live for and why he had to find his way back.

  “Aris, Ilias, Blane, Max, and Sophie.” He sighed. “Okay and Andrea. And…and…Willow.”

  For the first time he smiled.

  His mate.

  That’s who had had to live for. He had to get back to her. He couldn’t forget her. She needed him, and it was time to face himself and kick his own ass. And maybe, just maybe, he’d go home, and she would accept him.

  Hope. Love. Acceptance and forgiveness.

  Could he forgive his past and move on to his future?

  That was the one thing he wasn’t sure of. He’d lived with his shame for so long now. With what he’d done, and even though he’d only done it to survive, he relished in the power. That could never happen again. He couldn’t—no, he wouldn’t–lose that control again. The magic wouldn’t take him.

  Chapter 12

  Wi
llow sat on the edge of the couch with her hip lined with his and laid her hand on Zarin’s heart again to see if there were any changes.

  There weren’t.

  It still beat, but it was slow—too slow. She didn’t like that, but the others assured her this seemed to be the norm for them. She jumped as if she’d done something wrong when she heard a throat clear. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Max and his shocking black hair that hung in a shaggy mess. He shoved it away from his eyes before crossing his arms across his chest.

  “It’s really quite simple, Will,” Max said, already giving her a nickname. “All you have to do is accept him as he is, and probably that beast of his that’s fighting to get to you. He’s somewhere pretty scary right now, I’m betting, and you’ll be the only one who can light his way back. The sooner the better, so buck up and let’s get this done before those nymphs show up for Cai. We don’t have time for indecision. We all know you’re going to accept him as a mate.”

  She huffed, frustrated they all seemed to think they knew everything about her. She didn’t even know everything about herself yet. Willow watched as he leaned against the wall with a giant smirk on his face, but there was a knowing glint in his eye, too. What did he know?

  “I don’t think it’s as easy as you all say. I’ve tried telling him I accept him.”

  “Saying it with words is not the same as saying it with your heart.”

  He was a romantic. Just like the others seemed to be. She wasn’t used to being around men that were soft. Jeremy certainly wasn’t, and it forced her to believe there wasn’t a man who actually loved the woman he was with. Hell, her dad taught her that even before Jeremy. “With my heart?”

  “You have to mean it, though. But if you can’t, then we need to know so we can find a way to save him. Zarin’s our family, and Cai needs him.”

  Willow sighed. They were already giving up on her, and quite frankly, she didn’t blame them. After being with them for over twenty-four hours, she’d learned two major things: they loved each other, and they’d do anything for their tribe. Willow had never seen such commitment among people. It was hard for her to grasp that there were people who actually gave a damn in the world. But she was in a house full of them. And they wanted her to be a part of their family. It seemed too good to be true. This was what she had been looking for her whole life.

  A place to belong.

  “I can do it, just let me be alone with him.”

  Max nodded and left her alone in the den. She was surprised when he listened. The whole time she’d been with Zarin, someone had been there at all times. If it wasn’t Aris, it was Ilias or Sophie. They were babysitting her, making sure she wasn’t a bad person, or maybe making sure she didn’t bolt. She got that, but she couldn’t let go around everyone. She wasn’t even sure if she was ready to do that with Zarin, but it looked like she didn’t have a choice. It was now or never.

  She closed her eyes and imagined she was with him. She didn’t know where he was, but Max was right; it was her job to bring him back, and wherever he was wasn’t a pretty place. She knew that by hearing his whimpers. It broke her heart. He was stuck in some unknown world because she was stubborn.

  Now, she took a deep breath and shut off anything other than her thoughts of Zarin; of his blond hair, green eyes, and nervous smile. He was such a handsome man, but she could see the hurt in his features and how he held himself. He didn’t have a happy past either. She could relate to that. She swayed and fell to the side, lying across Zarin’s lap.

  ***

  Zarin walked in front of her. His body was covered in pieces of ice. She gasped.

  “Zarin,” she called, but he kept walking as if he didn’t even hear her. She could only see him from behind, but he was defeated. She could tell by his stance. His shoulders were slumped, and he trudged along with heavy feet as if it was too hard to lift them, and his head was bowed.

  Willow looked around the area and didn’t see anything that made sense. This place was full of nothing. It was cold—so bitterly cold. Her breath came out in heavy puffs.

  There was nothing but snow and ice that covered the lands. Large rocks decorated the land, but there weren’t even any trees. Nothing living was in this realm except Zarin. This was the place Bev sent him? Why would she make him suffer? If she got home, Bev was in trouble.

  “Zarin,” she called again, this time louder, hoping he’d hear her over the howling wind. Strange–it wasn’t there before. Everything was silent, and she could hear the thud of her heart. He kept walking, but when she looked closer, there was something in front of him. Something cloaked in gray tugged at him with what looked like a leash, but it shone and didn’t look real.

  Magic. This wouldn’t be the first time she witnessed it. Hadn’t Zarin showed her magic, and Bev, too? She shouldn’t have been surprised to see it here. This was a place made from magic. Shuddering, she tried to catch up again. But the distance kept getting larger between them.

  “Zarin!” she screamed his name this time. She couldn’t let that thing take him away. The urgency was strong in the way her heart raced. She felt the tears in her eyes.

  “I’m so sorry. Please come home. We need you. Cai needs you. Remember? The nymphs are coming to get him.”

  Willow looked down when her feet hit what she thought was snow—only, it wasn’t. She didn’t wait to figure out what it was. She ran toward her mate with her feet sinking further into the soft ground with each step. She wasn’t getting any closer, and he was almost out of sight.

  The thing in front of him turned around, and its eyes were much like Zarin’s when he showed her his dragon. It was triumphant. It thought it had won, but no, she had seen worse. Hell, her life was worse than the face that stared back at her. It was Zarin, the darker side of him, but it didn’t scare her. Everyone had a dark side; that didn’t make them bad.

  Willow stood tall with her shoulders back. It was time to show this thing who the boss was. She wasn’t sure where the confidence was coming from, but she was going to take advantage of it.

  For the first time, a weight had been lifted from her body, heart, and mind. She wasn’t afraid anymore. Everything she’d gone through was over. She had left that life and come to Stratham to start again. Her life was her choice.

  “Why did it take me so long to figure it out?” she asked rhetorically.

  “Because you let your fears rule you just as he does.” The figure turned away and tugged on Zarin’s magical leash, pulling him along. “Only you can get through to us.”

  She shivered when the thing that was a part of her mate refer to himself in this way. She wasn’t sure how she was going to help. Zarin’s past was still a mystery to her. She couldn’t help if she didn’t know.

  She trudged along, trying to catch them, but every time it looked like she made progress, in a blink of an eye they were even further from her. It was magic. Bev told her that much. She’d sent Zarin to a different realm.

  Willow stopped and took a deep breath. She wasn’t used to this, and it seemed her energy was no match for this world. And Zarin, the real one, hadn’t even noticed her yet. He hadn’t even looked her way or acted as if he knew she was there trying to bring him home. She was failing. Deep inside she knew that if she didn’t hurry, he’d never come home.

  “Zarin, please look at me. It’s Willow. Your mate.”

  It could have been the pleading in her voice or something else, but he paused, and his body tensed.

  “Remember, you told me about Cai and our destiny to save him. You were worried I wouldn’t believe you, and you showed me a letter. We’re to be Cai’s parents and raise him, but first I need you to give me my beast. She needs me, you need me, and—”

  His body shook, and as if in slow motion, he turned toward her. His eyes were hollow, but he was still there; deep inside her, Zarin was still fighting. “And what?”

  She fell to her knees and sobbed. She needed him, but the words wouldn’t come out. How come she couldn’t ad
mit to needing someone? She sobbed and sobbed, while he stood back and watched. She felt him as the tension in his body rose. The cloaked figure didn’t force him to keep moving the opposite way, but he also didn’t let him move toward her; he was the one waiting for something, not Zarin, but the other side of him had been hurt.

  She looked up at them with tears in her eyes. “I need you,” she whispered finally, before burying her face in her hands and away from them. The tears fell and froze on her cheeks, stinging her flesh. She didn’t care anymore. She was giving her heart to a man who might never be able to leave this horrible place.

  A hand touched her shoulder, and she looked up to see Zarin. He didn’t look hollow any longer. In fact, he looked as if he was reborn. There was light in his eyes and a smile on his lips. “Finally.”

  He lifted her from the ground and held her close. Before she could do much of anything or say anything, his lips were on hers. At first, she froze, not sure what to do. No one had ever kissed her like Zarin. He was so passionate, yet gentle, and when he coaxed her mouth open, she moaned. This spurred him on, and the kiss went on. Finally, she let go and kissed him back, letting out all her fear and frustration.

  When he grunted, she pulled back and laughed when she realized she’d bitten his lip. “Sorry.”

  Lust filled his eyes, and his chest rumbled. “Never be sorry for that. Ever.” He set her on her feet but gripped her hand in his. “Let’s go home, sweet Willow.”

  She looked down at their entwined fingers and finally felt the one thing she never thought she would have.

  Love.

  She felt it from the tips of her fingers all through her body. “Let’s go home.” She repeated his words, ready now more than ever to be with this man who had suffered so much in his past. And then to make things even harder for him, he had to wait for her to figure out that she needed him as much as he needed her.

  Her heart thumped in a cadence she hadn’t felt before. The love he felt for her buried itself inside of her, warming her very soul. Willow was loved for the first time in her life.